Friday, June 29, 2012

Growing pains

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This weekend, my boyfriend and I are traveling up to Pennsylvania to visit my family for a few days. My little nephew has grown so much since the last time I saw him in January that I just couldn't stay away for much longer. My boyfriend has already met my brother and sister in law, but he has not met my nephew, grandma, or mother yet. I wanted him to meet my grandma because she's the sweetest thing and means a lot to me, so I told her about our visit and she invited us over for dinner one of the nights we are in town. I would have rather liked to avoid him meeting my mother, but it sounds like my grandma invited my mother over for dinner as well. I haven't had the heart to tell my grandma about the real state of affairs between my mother and me, so she didn't think it was unusual to invite her too.

If my mother's awful treatment of me and odd idiosyncrasies weren't enough to cause me to not want her to meet my boyfriend, her hypercritical tendencies are enough to bump me over the edge. My mother absolutely hated my ex-fiance even though she hardly knew him- she only met him twice. The basis for her dislike was founded on him reaching across the table for the butter the one time we had dinner together and his knowledge of guitars. I kid you not. My mother also doesn't seem to like my awesome sister in law for no good reason other than she married my brother and "took" him away from her. My mother does not like the thought of our family growing. She's perfectly content spending all of her time with a family that she visits as a social worker instead of her own biological family (that deserves a post all on its own!), but when it comes down to her own children finding partners, she turns her nose up and refuses to accept anyone for any reason. I think she feels threatened by adding more people to the family as there's a greater potential for her secret to be shared with these presumably disapproving strangers.

My boyfriend is a great person and as a person, he has flaws, just like everyone else. I don't want to have to deal with her snarling next Christmas while she talks to me about him and how he didn't cut his food properly at dinner or some other completely ridiculous judgement. I'd much rather she never meet him and can irrationally dislike him as much as she pleases from afar.

How did your hoarding parent react to meeting your past and or current significant other(s)? Do you think they feel threatened and that's what causes them to react in negative ways?

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