Wednesday, March 30, 2011

The way the cookie crumbles

I once caught my mother taking out the various pieces of broken cookies left in their container after all the whole cookies had been eaten and attempting to fit them together to make them into a whole cookie again. I broke her concentration by asking her what she was doing. When she didn't answer and kept her head bent over her cookie pieces, I started to ask her why she was bothering to try to piece them together. Why doesn't she just eat them as is?

Hearing the judgement and ridicule in my voice, she raised her head quickly to aggressively bark, "Just leave me alone!"

I turned from the kitchen in amazement and sidestepped my way through the maze of debris back up into my room.

Thursday, March 24, 2011


The other night, I dreamt that my alopecia got out of control. Multiple, huge, bald spots. I woke up scratching my scalp and was relieved to see when I looked in the mirror that most of my spot is now filled in with new hair. Whenever I think about the dream, my hair stands on end, I get goosebumps, and the tingling on my scalp makes me dig my nails in.

I went to see Black Swan Tuesday night and spent parts of it with my head buried in my beau's arm. I was expecting the worst and got it.

One of my coworkers informed me this morning about how they used to make a cut into a person's arm and insert a small pox scab to inoculate against small pox back in the day.

Can we stop grossing me out now, please?!

Saturday, March 19, 2011

The big six oh

Today is my dad's 60th birthday. To be honest, 60 seems so incredibly old to me. It's hard to believe that my dad could be that old. My dad has aged well for the most part. He's in pretty good health, he's still got a pretty full, albeit gray, head of hair. Sometimes I think his mind is going a bit, but at other times, he's still sharp as a tack.

I'd be far worse for the wear if it weren't for my father. He's been incredibly supportive and involved in my life and is the perfect foil for my lackluster mother. I haven't written about him much on this blog even though I'm much closer to him than my mother. I guess it's due to the part of human nature that likes to be negative and complain about things rather than to talk about things that are clipping along and in good working order.

The healthy and loving relationship I have with my dad has kept me grounded and sane through many of the trails I've had in my short life. If I only had my mother to look to for parental love and support, I can only imagine how maladjusted and unhappy I would be. I fully believe that many of my goodhearted and creative qualities come directly from my dad.

So thank you, Dad, for being a dedicated father who is everything a daughter could ever hope for in a paternal figure. I hope he lives to see many, many more birthdays.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Tid bits

Well, folks, it looks like I'm off the market. It's even Facebook official! It's going to take awhile for me to get used to being in a relationship again.

In other news: "Maturity begins on the day we accept responsibility for our own actions." –Robert Allen

Mom, you've got a hell of a long way to go. Stop blaming others for the situation you put yourself in and actually do something to change the path you've set for yourself by your inaction. At least you've been a prime example of how not to live and have been motivation for me to improve my life tenfold.

Also, I'm finally on spring break!!! I'm taking Tuesday off to spend with my new bf and soak in the brief freedom.

Monday, March 7, 2011

The silence is scarring

My teenage self: "Mom, do you think I'm pretty?"

My mother: "..."

It didn't matter what she actually said, her extra long delay in responding said it all.

And so you have the root of my inability to accept compliments well and the core of my self-consciousness and self-doubt.

If I ever have a daughter, I will tell her everyday that she is the prettiest girl on earth, inside and out.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Sweetheart, bitter heart

He told his mom about me and she's excited that he found a decent girl for once. Apparently, being in grad school is impressive to parents.

My mom is a man hater and will probably find a reason to dislike any man I'll ever date, no matter how good of a person he is. She hated my exfiance with a bitterness I still cannot understand. The only guy I dated that she ever liked was my first boyfriend who turned out to be gay. Figures.

Saturday, March 5, 2011


"You shape your houses and then they shape you."
–Winston Churchill

You don't even know the half of it, ol' Winston.