Someday is Today: Stop hitting snooze

I was never much of a snoozer. I never saw the point; that is, until I moved in with one of my exes who was a big time snooze button abuser. At first, the blaring of the alarm every 10 minutes for half an hour was incredibly annoying, but then I got used to the sleep disruption and, one day, discovered that I was starting to hit snooze myself to eke out a few extra of minutes of sleep. Now, 6 years later, that habit is still firmly with me.

I have a hunch that I could find scientific proof to back this up, but waking up every ten minutes just can't be good for you and can't possibly make you more rested. I'm basing my decision to call it quits with my snooze button on my personal experience of feeling groggier when I hit snooze than when I get up when my alarm first goes off.

Since I am not a morning person in the least, this goal might take a little self trickery. Placing my phone far away from my bed will probably have to happen at some point so that I'll have to physically get out of bed to turn the alarm off and reduce the chance of falling back asleep. I think for starters though, I'm going to set my alarm for the absolute latest time I can get out of bed so that I'll know that if I hit snooze, I'll inevitably be late for work.

Do you hit the snooze button? How do you trick yourself to get out of bed on time in the morning?

Somday is Today: passions and happiness

One thing that's been bothering me the most about my dad's untimely death is the fact that he died before he was able to do everything that he wanted to do. Now I know that the chances of anyone being able to live long enough and have the opportunities to be able to accomplish everything they want to accomplish are very slim, but knowing that my dad relied heavily on my often talked about someday thinking makes me incredibly sad.

He talked so much about wanting to retire as soon as he could so he could paint and pursue his myriad of hobbies all day. He hated his day job even though he was very good at it and watched the clock the entire time he was there. He talked about having a house at the beach or a house in his beloved West Virginia mountains. He thought that someday he would be happily retired. Clearly, that someday never came for him. He didn't get to fully enjoy the fruits of his labor. He didn't get to pursue his real passion, art, at his own pacing and timing. He made me promise that I would tie his paintbrush to his hand if he became too frail to hold it himself, often citing other artists who had their family members do the same. He never got to see me fulfill that promise for him.

Seemingly everyday, I've been learning new lessons about living from my father's death. This particular lesson is like a punch in the gut for me. I keep asking myself if I am really living my life in a way that allows me to pursue my true passions for an adequate amount of time. How many hours have I piddled away doing asinine things instead of writing or traveling or pursuing a hobby or doing something that makes me genuinely happy? Is my job really making me happy or does it just feel like a waste of my time? Is the stress I feel from my job and the relationships I have worth it? If I died today, what would I have to show for my time on earth?

Sure, I have to pay the bills somehow. Sitting at home and reading books wouldn't be sustainable. My dad pursued the career he did because it provided a decent living. But wouldn't it be worth it to make my passions more of a priority and to even attempt to make money while doing so? Even if I failed, I would know that I tried and that I spent more time doing what I loved in the process.

At my dad's memorial service, a priest who volunteered to help officiate asked my brother and me two questions so that he could know a little bit more about my dad: what was the best thing about my dad and what was one of the best things he ever did for me? I started crying when he asked us these questions because, really, how the hell does a child answer those about their father? The best thing about him was that he was my dad and that he quite literally gave me life. I was flooded with thoughts and memories and I had to excuse myself instead of give him answers. I've thought about these questions since and I have to say, I think one of the best things he ever did for me was to show me how important it was to pursue the things in life that give you the most happiness. Above all else and no matter what, my dad was an artist. He sketched and painted and breathed art. My dad's creativity lives on in me through writing. I can't not write even if I wanted to stop. I need to write and read and breathe the written word in order to be the happiest and the most fulfilled. There's no sense denying myself and allowing feelings of regret to rob me of the best parts of life.

Someday is Today: Focus

Last month, I challenged myself to get out more and make more friends. Even though I didn't do many of things that I mentioned (tsk tsk), I still managed to meet people and start some budding friendships. I attended some MeetUp events and stayed in contact with some of the people I've already spent time with. This will definitely be an ongoing goal of mine until I am able to form a strong, local support system and, honestly, that could take years. I'm off to a good start though, so I'm patting myself on the back for now.

Over the last few weeks, I've noticed that I've been having an incredibly hard time focusing and getting things done on a daily basis. It's been especially hard at work. I'll poke around the internet for hours instead of settling down to work on projects and fill requests. There is more than plenty to do at work, so my procrastinating winds up causing undue stress when my deadlines finally roll around. Similarly, I'll sit at home after work and on the weekends and waste away my time if I'm not careful.

I was getting sick of my slothful ways by the end of last week and so I really pushed myself to take care of things that I had let slide for a little too long. I noticed that it was hard for me to do anything because I felt like there was so much going on that I didn't really know where to start. I didn't have a good handle of what needed to be done, so I decided to clean out my burgeoning inbox to see what things I could tackle quickly and rack up some easy wins to motivate me to tackle the larger items. I deleted a bunch of stuff that wasn't important; filed away other emails that were important, but not urgent; and flagged the items that required action. I responded to a few emails that I should have replied to weeks ago and wrote out quick emails I had been meaning to send out for awhile. While I was doing this exercise, I noticed that the new emails that were coming in that required my action or for me to respond  I did right away instead of letting them sit there. My system was working! I think all too often, I mentally turn the request into something much, much bigger than it really is and so I avoid doing it because I think it's going to take far longer than it really does.

In addition to putting in added effort to stay on top of my email, I noticed that when I start to slide down the rabbit hole of social media, if I get up and get some water, use the bathroom, or stretch my legs, I have a much clearer head when I return to my desk and I feel as though I have a clean slate to work with. I need to take advantage of that mindset and get going on a work project instead of checking back into Twitter. Also, it really helps if I don't have any distracting tabs open when I'm trying to hunker down with work. Gmail and Facebook- I'm looking at you!

When I get home from work, it really helps if I just don't even turn on my computer if I can help it. I try to do other things aside of internet-ing: word puzzles, jigsaw puzzles, cleaning, reading. If I must turn on my computer, I come up with a game plan before I open up time sucking websites without even thinking about it. If I need to look at a recipe or my checking account or pay a bill or work on the blog, I put my blinders on and only go to those sites. If I get my task finished and there's nothing else pressing, then I give myself the go ahead to check out other things.

Willpower is a funny thing and even though all of these things sound so simple and logical, it can be a real struggle to snap out of being negligent. Hopefully reminding myself of all of these tricks will cause me to be a little more with it this month.

Do you struggle with focusing? What do you do to get back on track?

Someday is Today: Making new friends

Everywhere I've ever gone in life, I've managed to make friends. Every summer camp session, every international trip, every school. Despite being a natural introvert, I do have the human desire to be well liked and agreeable.

Since moving to California, I have managed to meet a few people who may very well turn into friends. Most of these people have fallen into my lap though, with very little effort on my part.

Over the course of the next few months, I want to put considerable effort into making new friends. I've been making the excuse that I've been too busy getting adjusted and settled to meet people. Well, that sounds like a very poorly disguised cover up for fear and laziness. So! I'm going to be social, damn it, and start making this place feel like home.

For the people who have already reached out to me (a coworker, a neighbor, a guy I met at a bar), I need to stay in contact with them and propose things to do instead of expecting them to always make the first move. If it turns out that I don't have a good connection with any of them, I shouldn't feel bad or try to force a lukewarm friendship. Just put my efforts into other friendships.

For the two people I know already who are living in the area (an acquaintance from Richmond and a distance relative), I need to send them messages and or emails to propose hanging out and actually see it through. Again, if these turn out to be a poor use of my time, keep on keeping on.

Lastly, I need to pursue ways to meet people. I am a member of MeetUp and have joined various groups, but I have yet to attend any events. I need to place more of a priority on being active in these groups. I've been meaning to sign up for a gym to swim and attend yoga classes. Perhaps I could meet people there. Keep brainstorming and looking for ways to meet likeminded people. Think of social ways to pursue my hobbies and interests I will no doubt encounter some good people.

What ways have you successfully made friends in a new city?

Someday is Today: Cross country road trip!

Guys, this is a big one. As a travel lover, I've always wanted to do the quintessential cross country road trip and, as my regular readers know, I am moving to San Francisco in January for an awesome library job. So naturally, I'm going to take advantage of this opportunity to actually get in the car and drive across the country!

Luckily, my doll of a college roommate, Jess of Animated Cardigan, has agreed to embark on this trip with me and my two cats (poor babies). We've been on a few road trips together in the past and she's a great travel companion, so I'm super psyched for her to be my accomplice. 

We don't have all the details hammered out yet, but it looks like I'll be joining her in South Carolina shortly after the new year and then we'll predominately follow 40 through the mid-west, stopping to see the sights and ticking off lots of states, then hop on the Pacific Coast Highway once we're in California and land in San Francisco a few days before I have to start work.

As important as it is to take care of the goals in life that make us more responsible, healthy, and put together people, it's just as important to make headway towards goals that are fun and expose you to new experiences. Right? Right.

Have you ever taken a cross country road trip? Do you have any tips or suggested stops for us?

Someday is Today: Baby steps

Here's some real life honesty for you guys: I've decided not to give myself a new goal to work on this month because I've barely made any headway on my last goal. No use piling on a new goal when I'm already struggling.

Some of you may be wondering what in the world is the big deal about me applying lotion. It's not hard to do and it can be done in seconds. I don't really have an answer to that question. It's something I simply forget to do all.of.the.time. I'm also good at talking myself out of needing lotion. As I've mentioned before, this is complete crap since I suffer from severely dry skin and eczema. It also doesn't help that the weather lately as been a roller coaster and I rarely have dry skin when it's warm, giving me more excuses not to apply lotion.

In order to try to remember to apply lotion more often, I've placed my bottle of lotion on my nightstand so I see it frequently. I'm also getting low on lotion, so I'm going to buy a new bottle tomorrow and hope that the newness of the item will also grab my attention and entice me to try it out.

I know that all of this sounds straight up dumb, but applying lotion is a habit I really need to work on since my skin can become incredibly itchy incredibly quickly. I could easily become covered it eczema spots if I'm not diligent and that is the last thing I want. So! I'm going to try harder this month and hopefully not have to dwell on applying lotion much longer on this blog.

In addition to lotion, I want to also focus in on my blackheads much more and see if I can figure out how to unclog my pores more consistently. It looks like November is going to be full of skincare!

As far as exercise, water, and sass go, I'm continuing to chug along and stay pretty consistant with my progress on those goals.

How have your goals been going? Have you been able to form new habits?

Someday is Today: More moisturized skin

As I've mentioned before, I suffer from dry skin. It can get so bad that my eczema flares up and I get peppered with dry, crusty, red spots all over my body. Lucky me!

Now that the temperatures are starting to get cooler and the air is starting to get drier, I've already discovered two spots of eczema: one on my hip and one on my ribs. Again, lucky me!

You might be asking yourself, "Why doesn't Sarah just have a regular lotion routine so she can help prevent the eczema spots and scratching her skin raw?" Very good question, friend.

Despite the uncomfortableness of my dry skin, I am awful at lotioning myself up. I seem to forget that it's an option until I'm furiously digging at my skin, pleading for it to feel less itchy. It doesn't help that I hate the sticky, wet feeling of lotion on my skin and that it requires being at least partially naked and I get cold very easily (especially with these colder temperatures). I think it's about time I just sucked it up and found a way to deal with it, don't you?

This is totally more of a mental block thing than anything else, so I think fitting it rationally into my routine is going to be the best approach. Here's the plan:

• On mornings that I shower, slather on lotion before I get dressed for the day. I'm already naked and probably cold, so it should be relatively easy to take a few extra seconds to put lotion on before pulling on some clothes.
• On mornings that I don't shower, put lotion on after taking off pajamas and before putting on clothes (preferably piece by piece so I'm never fully naked and, therefore, shivering).
• On nights when I feel extra itchy, do the reverse and put lotion on while I'm changing out of clothes and into pajamas.

Ta da! Nice and easy. Let's see if I can manage it.

Updates on other goals:

Acne: I have had surprisingly few pimples over the last few weeks. I think the break out that I was complaining about before was due to the change in seasons. My face seems to have calmed down for the most part, at least for now. I have been using the oil cleansing method a few times a week and I like how moisturized my skin feels afterwards. I have also used baking soda as an exfoliant and have been very pleased with the smooth results. I think the smaller granules work better on my face than the larger granules found in most exfoliating products on the market. I am still struggling with blackheads, so I'll be focusing more on that now that pimples have subsided.

Exercise: Travel and a busy schedule (and occasional laziness if I'm being honest!) have caused me to miss a few days here and there of my exercise plan. I'm still happy with my progress though.

Water: I'm still drinking a good amount of water everyday, especially when I'm at work. I need to start paying better attention to how much water I'm drinking when I'm not at my desk.

Sass: The boyfriend and I seem to be having less arguments that revolve around my attitude. When my sass rears its ugly head, I am much more quick to apologize, soften my voice, and get to the real heart of the matter, rather than let my tone of voice take the discussion/argument hostage. Progress!

Someday is Today: Sassy pants

Most of the goals that I've covered so far have dealt more with my physical nature: acne, exercise, and drinking more water. I'd like to shift gears a bit and discuss something that's a little less tangible: my attitude.

Growing up, I began to cop an attitude with my mother when I was a teenager. If she said or did something that I didn't like, I became the typical wiseass teenager and would put my sassy pants on to let her know how I really felt. As time wore on, I left those sassy pants on whenever I disagreed with my mother and didn't leave them behind in the phase pile. To me, I felt justified in putting on my bitchiest attitude when dealing with her because her compulsive hoarding hurt me more than she, or even I, knew that it did. I felt like I could be the biggest bitch because of what she made me live through. She put me through years of humiliation, so me being super sassy was totally okay, right? Especially because I was super nice and patient with everyone else in my life.

Well, fast forward to present day and my readiness to put on my sassy pants when I feel either hurt or impatient with the one whom I love the most and am closest to (i.e., my boyfriend) is now a habit. A really awful, hurtful habit. I've been trying to make sense of my tendency to be a bitch at the drop of a hat to someone who has always been so kind to me and I can only conclude that I have become hardwired from dealing with my mother to lash out when I feel the most vulnerable. Basically, it's kind  of like my emotions turn into a 3 year old and yell out, "I'm going to hurt you more before you can hurt me more, nah nah!"and sticks its tongue out before I start spewing out words that are dripping with disgust.

As you can imagine, this is absolutely horrible for a relationship (and makes me feel like an awful human being). Why would someone put up with being bombarded with either hurtful words and or words spoken in a hurtful tone? Yeah, I don't know either. I guess I'm dating a saint. No one deserves to be treated that way, not even my mother who is basically a puppet for a shortage in her brain. Knowing all this does not always prevent me from checking my attitude when I get upset though. I guess it's just been that engrained into my behavior. It also doesn't help that it's hard for me to detect inflections in my own voice.

So, what can I do to stifle that sassy tone? I'm going to make an honest effort to try some of these tactics and see if the boyfriend and I can notice a difference:

Take a step back from the situation, breathe, and think before I say anything. Is what I'm about to say going to be overkill? Is it going to be hurtful? What's a better way to say this or maybe not say it at all? Ask myself why I'm upset. Remind myself that I love him, first and foremost.

Be patient. I can't expect everyone to know everything that I know, just like I don't know everything  they know. That's impossible. Explain it in a way that isn't unintentionally insulting to his intelligence, just like I would like to hear something being explained to me.

Communicate in a way that makes sense for him. Tough love might be effective for me to get my ass in gear, but it can backfire and be really hurtful for the boyfriend to hear. Find a way to say something that will be effective and increase his receptiveness while being sensitive to his feelings. We all communicate and react in different ways and I need to be respectful of that.

When all else fails, pretend like I'm talking to someone else. This sassiness only tends to come out for my mother and my boyfriend (lucky them!). If I can't get the edge off of my voice by another method, try to imagine I'm talking to my grandmother or best friend. My words tend to be far softer when I speak to them. 

Do you have any suggestions for me on how I can avoid turning into a megabitch?

Short update on other goals:

Acne: Honestly, I'm not really talking to my skin right now. I want to find something that is more effective, but I'm not willing to try things out right now because I have a job interview in a week. I don't want to chance it and have my skin be worse than it already is.

Exercise: Thanks to traveling and a hectic schedule, I haven't been swimming or going to yoga for over a week. I'm all set to get back in the saddle today for yoga!

Water: My water intake is up and I've been visiting the bathroom nearly every hour to prove it. My headaches continue to be minimal and I'm feeling all around less blah.

Someday is Today: Water and updates

It's been a few weeks since I last did a Someday is Today post so it's about high time for an update!

Water
First, I've decided to challenge myself to drink more water. I've never been particularly good about drinking enough water throughout the day and now that I've been more intentional about exercising, it's extra important for me to be well hydrated. I'm also very headache prone. Dehydration is one of the main reasons people get headaches, so increasing my water intake should help battle my frequent headaches.

I have a standard sized travel mug/thermos/tumbler that I keep at my desk and fill with water everyday. My guess is that it holds 12 ounces (I should check on this). Before I started paying attention to how much water I drank, I usually only filled this mug up about once a day. Not good.

Since I started being more intentional about drinking more water, I've been filling it up two or three times a day. I want to get up to consistently filling it up three or four times a day. I've noticed a definite decrease in the number of headaches I've had the last few weeks. I'm not sure if the extra water is the only cause for this decrease, but I think it's safe to say that it's been a large factor. Usually, if I feel a slight headache coming on, if I can gulp down some extra water over the course of a half an hour or so, the headache either lessens or goes away entirely. High fives all around!

Now let's talk about some goal updates.

Exercise
I'm very proud of myself for sticking to my exercise goal so closely. I've been swimming every Saturday and doing yoga on Mondays when it's offered. This past Monday, the gym did not offer yoga, so I was SOL. But! My carpool schedule has changed a bit since the guy I ride with started his fall classes this week. Thursdays he has a class that ends at 6:45, so instead of trying to catch a ride home with my dad or take the bus, I went swimming after work and then went home with my carpool buddy. So I essentially made up for missing yoga on Monday. I might not be able to go to yoga this Monday since I'll be in the mountains, so I'm planning to swim on Thursday night again to make up for it. On a "normal" week, I'm planning to do yoga on Mondays and swim Thursdays and Saturdays. I managed to find that third session I was looking for! It's really all about finding those pockets of time that otherwise would have slipped through the cracks.

I noticed that now that I have a plan in place, it's much easier for me to just go and exercise. For me, if I don't have a schedule, I lack the motivation to go and can make up just about any excuse to not go. If I know for sure that on Saturdays I go swimming in the afternoon, then I don't have to have a battle of the wills about it. I just go and do it like it's completely natural for me. Also, once I just go and do yoga or swim, I break down that barrier that tells me that it's too hard and it'll be awful and I prove to myself that it's really not that bad. Momentum achieved!

Acne
Truth be told, I'm not as excited about my acne goal. The last time I updated you all on my progress, I was pretty jazzed about the changes I was seeing. My skin seems to have done a 180 over the last few weeks though and I've had a ton of blemishes, especially around my jaw line. Some blackheads are coming back and adding to my frustration. I'm wondering if my increased exposure to chlorine and the cooler temperatures are causing my skin to react this way. Most of my blemishes are now in the healing stages and so far it doesn't look like any new ones are cropping up. I'm going to wait it out a bit to see if maybe my skin just needed to adjust to the environmental changes.

What kind of headway have you been making with your goals?

Someday is Today: Exercise

It seems as though everyone and their brother wants to exercise more. We know that we should move around much more than we do, but it can be so hard to find the time and to motivate ourselves to actually do it.

I was hesitant to make my second Someday is Today goal about exercise since life is pretty crazy and unpredictable right now, but there's no way around it: no matter what's going on, I should at least try to be a little bit more active.

I'm a pretty thin person; some may even call me skinny. My BMI is 19.9. I still weigh the same I did in high school and I even wear some of the same clothing I've had since middle school. Some of you may feel like tossing something blunt or even sharp my way, but I assure you: just because I'm not overweight does not mean that I am in shape. I am pretty weak, can barely run a block, and I've never once played on a sports team. Since many people are motivated to work out because they want to lose weight, much of the fitness literature out there revolves around weight loss success. Because I don't need to lose weight and instead just need to gain physical strength and increase my endurance, this literature is usually not helpful to me and I find it harder to motivate myself to be active.

When I was in therapy and before I started grad school, I was able to talk myself into going swimming three or four times a week and to go to yoga class once or twice a week. For someone who never worked out regularly in their life, I was making really good headway. Then classes started and I had no time or energy for anything extra in my life. Before a few weeks ago, I hadn't gone near the gym with any kind of regularity in close to two years.

A month ago, I was frustrated with my commuting schedule and how it didn't allow me time to do things like exercise. Then I had the brilliant idea of going for a swim during my lunch break from work on Saturdays. Saturdays are much slower than weekdays, so I can usually manage to sneak out to the gym for a little while. For the last four weeks, I've been doing just that.

Prior to moving in with my dad, I never thought of exercising on my days off because, well, they're my days off. My gym is offering yoga classes on Mondays, one of my days off, over the summer and the time worked out for my best friend, Lynn, and me to go together. For the last three weeks, we've tried to meet up for yoga regularly on Mondays, but only today did it finally work out. The first two times the instructor couldn't make it and the class was moved to another location without our knowing. Third time's a charm, right?

I want to stick with this schedule, swimming on Saturdays and yoga on Mondays, for the time being. If I can manage to swim an extra time or take an extra yoga class during the week, then that'd be even better. I don't want to put too much pressure on this goal right now since, like I said, life is unpredictable right now. I bought new sneakers and would like to start the Couch to 5k program, but I can't count on being able to follow it regularly, so I don't want to set myself up for failure. I figure, if I can manage to find the time to squeeze in a work out with my life the way it is right now, then it should be a piece of cake when I'm finally settled in a new job and home.

As far as motivation goes, I asked my boyfriend, who runs regularly and is in good shape, what he does to motivate himself when he doesn't feel like working out. His response? He just does it. He acknowledges the fact that he doesn't want to, but he just does it anyway. Moral of the story: I need to stop over thinking it so much. Just go and do it, Sarah.

Someday is Today: Clearer skin update

It's been two weeks since I shared my plan for clearer skin and I thought now would be a good point to evaluate how I'm doing.

I've been following my plan closely and continue to be pretty happy with the results so far. Thanks to exfoliating often, I have far fewer blackheads. I still have more than I'd like though, so I think it's time I tried something different. I'm seriously considering trying a baking soda scrub tonight instead of using my usual scrub.

Last week, I had a few large, unsightly pimples crop up that ticked me off to no end. Luckily, they didn't stick around for very long. I'm thinking/hoping that stress may have triggered these guys to make an appearance since the last few weeks have been a bit stressful. If I notice more large pimples in the future, I'm considering buying a lower percentage benzoyl peroxide cream to apply as a preventative to areas where pimples tend to crop up the most, as per acne.org's recommendation.

Moving forward, I want to continue to focus on my jawline since I'm still experiencing more blemishes than I'd like around this area in particular. Additionally, for the past couple of summers, I've been experiencing what I think is heat rash mixed with dry skin spots around my neck and chest area. I want to give these areas some extra attention to help clear up these spots. I'm going to try to apply lotion more often to see if that'll help. If that doesn't seem to do the trick, I'll probably give some aloe vera a shot.

Speaking of aloe vera, I went to the beach on Sunday and got some pretty bad sunburn on my shoulders. I should get a bottle just for that alone.

Someday is Today: Clearer skin

For my first Someday is Today goal, I want to address my acne. Now, my skin isn't horrible, so I don't want to make a bigger deal out of it than it deserves, but I feel as though, as an adult in my mid-20s, I shouldn't have to be dealing with as many blackheads, whiteheads, and pimples as I do. Instead of continuing to say to myself that it'll clear up on it's own someday, I'm going to try to be more deliberate in how I take care of my skin.

My skin is typically quite dry and, as I get older, it seems as though it is growing more sensitive. As a teenager, I only had blackheads on my nose and chin. Now it seems as though I have them everywhere on my face. These are by far my greatest problem. Additionally, I'm getting occasional whiteheads sprinkled around my chin and cheeks as well as pimples around my hair line, jaw line, and forehead. I also sometimes get a few pimples on my neck, chest, and back. I seem to break out more in the warmer months, probably thanks to the increased sweat production, so it seems appropriate to address this problem now.

As I said before, my skin is not horrible, so I don't feel as though any drastic measures need to be taken, but I'm fed up with squeezing blackheads only to have more replace them seemingly overnight. I always thought that having blackheads was a way of life until I did a little bit of research. Lo and behold, it's possible to not have any or only occasional blackheads. Sweet Jebus, I can only imagine the happiness I would feel to look in the mirror and see a handful or less of blackheads instead of innumerable clogged and angry pores staring back at me.

Before embarking on being more intentional about taking care of my skin, my routine was pretty much washing my face with cleanser morning and night. I would exfoliate when I remembered (not very often) and would put benzoyl peroxide on pimples when they were really big or stubborn (not very often). I'm pretty good about putting lotion on my face in colder weather, but figured my face didn't really need it in the summer.

So, what am I doing now about this acne of mine? Well, as I mentioned, I've been doing some research. Everyone's skin is different, so there's no one surefire way to get my pores under control. Based on what I've read and my knowledge of my own skin, I've decided to take the following actions:

• Gently wash my face every night and only splash my face with lukewarm water every morning. I'm afraid washing my face morning and night was drying out my skin, so I'm only going to use cleanser at night (I'm currently using Burt's Bees Soap Bark and Chamomile Deep Cleansing Cream).
• Gently exfoliate my face every two or three nights. My blackheads and whiteheads are most likely due to dead skin cells clogging my pores and people with dry skin tend to have a lot of dead skin cells lying around. Exfoliating often will help to slough off those cells before they can clog my pores (I'm currently using Burt's Bees Peach and Willowbark Deep Pore Scrub).
• When drying my face, don't rub the towel vigorously; pat gently instead.
• Apply face lotion morning and night even if my face doesn't feel particularly dry (I'm currently using Desert Essence Daily Essential Moisturizer).
• Be diligent about applying benzoyl peroxide to my pimples or problem spots every night after I apply lotion (I'm currently using Clean and Clear Persa-Gel 10).
• Stop touching my face! I'm awful about resting my chin on my hand and picking at my face. I need to be more aware of when my fingers drift faceward and get those digits far away.
• Use blotting paper to soak up extra oil on my face when I notice it's extra slick (I'm currently using Earth Therapeutics Shine-Free Spot Blots).
• Use blotting paper, astringent, and or pore scrub on my neck, chest, and back when I notice these areas are extra oily and or pimply, especially before bed (I'm currently using Sea Breeze Naturals astringent). 
• Use clear pore strips every or every other week (I'm currently using Earth Therapeutics Clari-T Clarifying Tea Tree Pore Cleansing strips).

Since I wasn't using nearly enough of my products, I'm going to try to incorporate them into my routine more and see if they make a difference before going out and buying more products. I'm trying to use the products I already have instead of just accumulating more clutter right off the bat. If I feel as though I haven't made much improvement after giving these products a fair shake, then I'll start looking into buying other products that are as natural as possible. 

I started being more mindful of my face two or so weeks ago and have been pleased with the progress so far. I seem to have fewer blackheads and the ones I still have look smaller than the ones I had in the past. I'm still having occasional pimples, but they don't seem to be sticking around as long. My jawline is still pretty bumpy, so I'll need to give that area some special attention. 

I still have a ways to go before I'm pleased with the state of my pores, but it seems like I'm headed in the right direction. I would like to try out a few natural scrubs, as well as give the Oil Cleansing Method a real chance (I've done it a few times, but haven't stuck with it long enough to see if it makes a difference). 

I'll be sure to keep you posted on my progress!

Why I did 30x30 and what this blog is about

[Fair warning: this is a lengthy post. If you don't have the time or interest to read the whole thing, here's the summary: I participated in the 30x30 wardrobe challenge to put a face to the name of a child of a hoarder, to reinforce the fact that you don't need a large wardrobe to dress well, and to live with intention. To fight against the habit of pushing goals to someday and most likely never achieving them, I will be posting the progress of my own small goals and challenges to keep me accountable and to encourage others (especially fellow children of hoarders) to better their own lives, one step at a time. This project will be called Someday is Today.]

Some of you might be scratching your heads and wondering why I decided to do a wardrobe challenge on a blog that primarily addresses growing up with a hoarding parent. The connection may not be obvious, especially to those who didn't grow up in a hoard or who don't know me very well, so let me see if I can clear up the confusion.

Building good habits
First, I did it to force myself to get into the habit of updating more often since I fell off the bandwagon for a few months thanks to grad school and I wanted to establish a much better routine.

Exhibit A: Child of Hoarder
Second, I wanted to put a face to the name of a child of a hoarder. Many children of hoarders who blog do so anonymously or as close to anonymously as they can make it. I considered going this route myself because hoarding is such a personal topic and can be very embarrassing. I have changed many names of friends or simply have not given names so that my friends, family, and I can have some privacy. Ultimately though, I decided that for those who are unfamiliar with hoarding and for those who are currently living with a hoarding parent, seeing the normal looking face of a person who went through living in squalor can be powerful for the uninformed and comforting for those feeling isolated in their cluttered environment. Anyone you see, whether they look like they live or have lived in a hoard, could be affected by hoarding. It's much more common than you think. Someone does not have to look dirty or disheveled to be a hoarder or to have grown up as a child of a hoarder. In fact, many hoarders go to great lengths to look and have their children look well dressed and put together in public because they do not want anyone to be suspicious of what is actually behind closed doors.

Less equals more
The next reason why I wanted to do the 30x30 challenge is because I wanted to reinforce the fact that a large wardrobe is not required to dress well. One of the items my mother hoarded and continues to hoard religiously is clothing. We couldn't eat on the dinning room table because the table itself and all of the chairs were covered in clothing. My mother could not sleep in her bed, let alone enter her bedroom, because the bed was piled high with clothing and bags upon bags of clothing were scattered about the floor. We didn't have hampers. We had two teetering piles of dirty clothes in the hall. Our closets were full of old clothing we never wore. Clothing was not put away after it was washed and dried. It was placed in the dinning room until my mothered ironed it and we wore it that same day.

My mother was and still is a fanatic about ironing. She irons absolutely everything: t-shirts and pillowcases included. While I took a shower, she would frantically iron a top and bottom for me so that I could pull them on before running out the door. I didn't have the luxury of planning outfits when I was living with my mother. She picked out what I wore the morning I wore it. I had very little say in what I wore and, because there was so little time and planning in the morning dash, I wound up wearing a lot of the same outfits over and over again. Instead of attempting to remix what I had, we would simply go shopping fairly frequently and, therefore, add to the ever growing clothing hoard. (I would also like to add that my mother did not like me to wear anything remotely formfitting nor spend very much money, so I wound up with a lot of cheap, ill fitting clothing.) Since moving out of the hoard, I've tried to keep a smaller sized closet of items that fit me well and that I actually wear. Doing the 30x30 challenge affirmed my smaller closet and opened my eyes to new ways I can wear the clothes I already own, thus reducing my impulse to go shopping because "I have nothing to wear."

Enough of the somedays
While all of these reasons would have been enough for me to go ahead and do it, the main reason why I wanted to participate in the 30x30 wardrobe challenge is to fight against what many of us children of hoarders (and many, many other non-hoarding affiliated people) have heard our whole lives: someday change will take place, action will be taken. Someday. Hoarder's Child recently wrote a very well written, pithy post about this same idea. Someday my mother was going to go through the clothing with me. Someday my mother was going to fix the leaks in the basement and bathroom. Someday my mother was going to call the eye doctor and make an appointment for me. These somedays never came. Living in this "someday syndrome" environment caused me to think this same way for many years beyond living with my hoarding mother.

While I was battling a deep depression that landed me in the hospital, I had an epiphany: if I want things to change, I need to take those steps and those actions in order for that change to happen. Very, very few things are just going to fall into your lap without you putting in some effort. If I wanted a better life than one wallowing in depression, I needed to go out and seize it. If I wanted to save money, I would need to watch my spending and transfer that money to savings. The money just wasn't going to appear out of thin air. If I wanted to visit another country, I needed to set aside the money and make the arrangements. I wasn't going to just magically wake up in Europe one morning. If I wanted to dress better, I needed to sit down and see what I have and what looks good together. I wasn't going to look down and be wearing a well planned outfit without the planning part.

What this very lengthy post is really all about is pushing myself to live mindfully and with intention. My mother is always a victim, letting life happen to her instead of shaping her own life. I thought for a very long time that that is simply how life is, but I've come to discover how wrong that perception is. She claimed that she would clean the house someday when she had more time. I went along with that thought process, thinking that one day she'd miraculously have nothing to do but clean. What we both failed to see (and what she still fails to see) was that she sat for hours in front of the TV everyday and never made an effort to fill those hours with something more productive, like cleaning. There will never be the perfect time to reach your goals. There will always be other life things going on. She didn't need to find more time, she needed to prioritize. 

I took the 30x30 wardrobe challenge to remind myself that if I want to dress myself better, it requires some effort on my part. On a big picture level, I shared my 30x30 experience to act as a gentle reminder to my readers (especially those who are children of hoarders) that making goals, even small ones, and pushing yourself to achieve them is an incredibly important part of gleaning meaning and fulfillment out of life. It's very easy for the goals to get lost in the mix and for you to push them to someday because it's easier to do that than to take action. Plus, achieving small goals gives you the strength and willpower to achieve the bigger goals on your list.

Someday is Today
Going through 30x30 gave me the push to get my blog back to what I want it to really be about. One big step in that direction is executing the idea to start a project called Someday is Today. I will be picking a smaller goal that I've been wanting to work on and sharing the progress on the blog. My goals will cover all aspects of life and will vary in length depending upon what the goal entails. Sharing provides the duel purpose of keeping me accountable and providing encouragement for readers (especially fellow children of hoarders) to tackle their own goals. 

Stay tuned for my first goal! I hope you'll be inspired to start turning your somedays into today.