Friday, December 3, 2010

One single year

As the year rapidly hurdles towards its completion, I realized that I was single for all of 2010. I can't decide if this is a good thing or a bad thing.

I want to say that because I didn't harp on it obsessively and because it took me until yesterday to even realize that my singledom had comprised of all of 2010, it's a good thing. I think I mostly handled my loveless year well. I've improved myself, I've spent quality time with friends and family, I've become more independent, I've furthered my education, I've been kicking ass at my job. As someone who was starting to follow the path of a serial dater, I'm patting myself on the back for not settling for less than I deserve in a partner.

I have my moments of moping and crying into pillows because logically, if I'm single now in my mid20s, all hope is lost and I'm obviously going to die alone. Sometimes little things like songs and photographs will set me off into a frenzy of self doubt, self deprecation, and wallowing. I can't be like my mother who has never even dated anyone since my parents divorced! Or I also tip the other way into blind anger where every penis is the enemy. No male is worth my time because they are all the same- distant, liars, uncommunicative. Roar, I am single, white female!

Ultimately, though, I settle down and realize that with either the depressed or enraged attitude, no guy would want to talk to me, let alone date me. Self confidence goes a hell of a long way. Sure, I was engaged once, but I broke it off for good reasons. I am better off alone than with someone who would not make me happy in the long run. The same goes for the various guys since then and it's something I try to remember whenever I start feeling all dumpy. I'm mostly having fun doing the casual thing with whomever strikes my fancy and feeling things out before jumping into commitments. It it doesn't work out that early on, then it means I just saved myself a hell of a lot of time and heartache in the long run.

Now, if only I could have that seared into my brain for when I start feeling the pangs of loneliness creep in. Or maybe I should just memorize this lovely video:

No comments:

Post a Comment