Saturday, November 27, 2010


Today, my sister in law and I went over to my grandmother's for brunch. The original plan was for us to go over for dinner while a bunch of my extended family was going to be there as well, but they decided to come over on Sunday instead and my dad and I are leaving tomorrow to drive back to Virginia, so we decided to do brunch this morning so that I could see my grandma and mother while I'm in town.

My grandma's has become the meeting place since it's not possible to go over to my mother's. My mom spends the weekends with my grandma, so it usually makes sense for everyone to gather there. 

I hadn't seen my mom or grandma since I was up in PA this summer for Lynn's wedding. I hadn't talked to my mom since I set up a three way call with her and my brother on her birthday this summer.

The visit could have gone a lot worse, but I'll share some of the warm and fuzzy details with you.

When we got there, we got the customary hug and kiss from my grandma. My mom emerged about five minutes later to say hi. She gave me a typical fake, cheery greeting, hug, kiss on the cheek, and asked me, "Oh, so your hair's still long?" ...... Uhhh first of all, except for a short time in 7th grade that I deem a huge mistake, I've always had long hair. Second, how can you not know what your daughter looks like? How can you become so uninvolved in your child's life that you don't know about such a simple thing as their appearance? 

My grandma makes delicious Belgian waffles in an ancient waffle iron. She knows how much I like them, so she will usually try to have me over for brunch when I visit. While we were waiting in between waffles, my mom kept getting up to do dishes instead of talking to us. Even when she was sitting at the table, she wouldn't contribute much to the conversation or she talked about impersonal things. She didn't bother to ask me anything related to my life. I haven't talked to her at length in almost a year and she didn't have one question about work, school, boys. She did ask me how Lynn is, which is generally nice, but hurtful when she can't even ask me how I am.

The final straw with my mom was when my grandma was asking me about and talking to me about school. She was half way through asking me a question when my mom stood up, completely interrupting my grandma, and asked, "Is everyone done?" before grabbing my empty plate. My grandma still had half a waffle on her plate, clearly not done. My grandma was too polite to say anything to her about her rudeness and I was too much in shock to speak up. I sat there once it sunk in, face getting red, eyes wide, and tongue bitten. I don't understand what makes her so upset/jealous/worked up about me being in school that causes her to act so childishly. She's a mother, shouldn't she be proud and supportive?

And she accuses me of being rude. While I largely disagree with her, where the hell does she think I get it from? How could I not act so disrespectfully when she treats everyone like this?

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