Challenges for 2014

by artisrams via Flickr

At the end of 2013, while pondering change, I came across an idea to ask friends and family members who are close to you to give you challenges to work on for a year. I took a shining to the idea and sent an email to those who are closest to me. A few good souls responded with some excellent suggestions. I've compiled them together and would like to share them here, with my comments:

• Write and mail at least one letter a month to a loved one: I've always been a fan of writing and receiving letters in the mail and I have continued to write letters here and there throughout the years. I really like the challenge of doing this consistently and have already mailed a letter for January. I had been thinking about how I wanted to get back in the habit of sending birthday cards, so that will help in my efforts to send at least one letter a month. 
• Forgive someone who has hurt you in some way and really mean it: Forgiveness is huge for inner peace, so this suggestion is perfect. I like to think that I've been pretty good about this, but I can definitely improve and be more intentional about it.
• Volunteer at least twice: Volunteering is something I've been thinking about a lot lately and have been trying to decide what I would like to do. There are a number of animal shelters here that I'm thinking of picking from and volunteering for. There's also a literacy group that gives out free books at community events. So many worthy causes, so little time!
• Get off of OKCupid: I disabled my account a few months ago and have no intention of reactivating in the foreseeable future.
• Consider a dating sabbatical/Be single for 2 months: Two of my friends challenged me to cool it with dating and I not only was thinking that myself, but have already set that boundary for myself. I'm hesitant to put a timeframe on the sabbatical, but I'm sure I'll know when I'm truly ready to get back in the game.
• Set a schedule and swim X times per week/Exercise 3-4 times a week/Do yoga at least once a week for 2 consecutive months/Go hiking regularly: Being more active is another thing that's been on my radar, it's just a matter of being more intentional about it and setting real goals for myself.
• Plan, schedule, and execute a 1 week vacation in which I do zero work and travel at least 500 miles from home to somewhere I’ve never been: Traveling is a love of mine and so I naturally really love this challenge. My schedule is already starting to look really busy with conferences and such, but I'm hopeful that this can happen.
• Be near the ocean regularly: I was thinking just the other day how rare it is for me to see the ocean or the bay considering how incredibly close I am to both. This lack of interaction makes me feel really disconnected with my environment and I need to make an effort to make it a regular part of my life.
• Start blogging again and post at least once a month: As I've mentioned before, blogging and writing in general are at the top of my list for things that I need to make a constant part of my life.
• Go thrifting once every two months: A new friend of mine gave me this challenge and I like that it's a fun, easy one to have. Going to thrift stores is something that I enjoy doing, but something that I forget about easily. I've gone maybe twice since I've moved here and I need to map out some more stores to visit.
• Make my pets happy: Yelling at my cats makes me grumpy, but knowing that I'm taking good care of them makes me feel like a competent human being, so I'd like to do more of the latter. I've already been working on this- I got my cats a really nice scratching post to redirect their scratching and have started feeding them some canned food to help my younger cat lose weight.

I have some pretty great friends, don't you think? Many of these things I had thought about in some way recently, so I was glad to discover that we were often on the same page.

The five challenges that I've set for myself for this year are:

• Take writing more seriously: In order to be a writer, a writer needs to write. I need to make this passion a top priority and write consistently, even when I don't feel like it or if I think it's too hard.
• Make strides to get my dad's artwork out there: My dad created an incredible amount of artwork in his lifetime and I feel very strongly about promoting his work. It would be a shame for it to simply sit in a storage unit forever. My brother and I are interested in finding an art licensing agent to represent my dad's artwork and hopefully find some companies who are interested in using his work. One step I've taken so far was to purchase a high quality scanner to create digital images of my dad's slides and negatives. It'll be a long process because there are so many, but I'm very excited to dig in.
• Be more creative/allow yourself to pursue hobbies and interests: I've always enjoyed being creative, but I got into the habit of denying myself that pleasure because I convinced myself I have better things to do. Instead of becoming a better person for cutting this out, I've become a more repressed individual. One step I've taken so far was to sign up for a semester long ceramics class and I cannot wait to get back on the wheel.
• Be more active: As stated above, I need to decide on what I'm going to do and how often I'm going to do it.
• Volunteer: As stated above, I need to narrow down which organizations I'd like to spend time with.

Many of these challenges need more work in order for them to become goals and for me to gain any traction with them. As I mentioned before, transitioning into this year has been tough, so I'm glad that I've at least been able to find some clarity in terms of what I want to change. Stay tuned for more updates on this front.

Things that I love: bouquets

by doug88888 via Flickr

Not one, but two sweet people gave me bouquets of flowers for my birthday this week. You can't help but smile when you look at flowers and I needed all the smiles I could get to help find the positive in celebrating a birthday when half the reason why you're alive is no longer here.

3 ways to meet people in a new city

by n_corboy via Flickr

Once you finish school at any level, your trusty built-in social system disappears. Meeting new people becomes a little trickier. Whether your friends move away or you move away, there are times in almost everyone's life when you will look around and there are less people there than there used to be. I recently moved to the west coast and, just like when I moved to Richmond, Virginia, I find myself in need of some local friends and acquaintances. There are many, many ways to meet people, but I thought I'd share three ways that I have found to be the most successful.

1. Coworkers. Just started a new job? Haven't really ever gotten to know the people you work with? Chances are good that you and your coworkers share similar interests and goals. Sometimes your coworkers will take the initiative and invite you out as a welcoming gesture, but you can't always wait around and hope that someone will reach out first. Coffe, lunch, or happy hour are all good, low commitment ways to get to know a coworker better. If you get along well, then you can plan something a bit more personal or time intensive.

2. Neighbors. When you first move somewhere, be sure to at least smile and say hi to everyone you see in your building and or who live on your block. Bonus points for introducing yourself. Not only does this help to foster an inviting and calm living environment, it helps to ease you into the friend making process. Instead of silently tossing your clothes out of the dryer while your downstairs neighbor silently throws his or her clothes into the washer, start a conversation: say hi, introduce yourself, ask what they do for a living, how long they've lived in the building, etc. If you have a pleasant chat, ask to grab a drink or coffee with them the next time you see them in the building.

3. MeetUp.com. If you've never heard of MeetUp, it's a site where people create groups based around mutual interests and then host events for the group members to attend in real life. I've met a wide range of people through all sorts of groups: Scrabble, German, dachshund owners, 20s and 30s social groups, book clubs. The Bay Area especially seems to have a ton of groups and it's one of the quickest and easiest ways to connect with people who share similar interests.

I've found that meeting new people is more about the effort you put into it than any kind of luck or fate involved. What are some of the best ways you've successfully met new people in a new city?

Someday is Today: Cross country road trip!

Guys, this is a big one. As a travel lover, I've always wanted to do the quintessential cross country road trip and, as my regular readers know, I am moving to San Francisco in January for an awesome library job. So naturally, I'm going to take advantage of this opportunity to actually get in the car and drive across the country!

Luckily, my doll of a college roommate, Jess of Animated Cardigan, has agreed to embark on this trip with me and my two cats (poor babies). We've been on a few road trips together in the past and she's a great travel companion, so I'm super psyched for her to be my accomplice. 

We don't have all the details hammered out yet, but it looks like I'll be joining her in South Carolina shortly after the new year and then we'll predominately follow 40 through the mid-west, stopping to see the sights and ticking off lots of states, then hop on the Pacific Coast Highway once we're in California and land in San Francisco a few days before I have to start work.

As important as it is to take care of the goals in life that make us more responsible, healthy, and put together people, it's just as important to make headway towards goals that are fun and expose you to new experiences. Right? Right.

Have you ever taken a cross country road trip? Do you have any tips or suggested stops for us?

Whirlwind weekend

by scrobz via Flickr

I am super tired y'all, so this is going to be short, but I wanted to recount my weekend since it was largely awesome.

The boyfriend and I made reservations to stay in the Blue Ridge Mountains next weekend and I cannot wait. I've been wanting to go out there for such a long time and we're finally doing it- yay! We're going to go hiking, probably around Old Rag, the first day and visit Luray Caverns on the second day.

I went to a college friend/past roommate's bridal shower on Sunday with another friend of mine. It was out in Lynchburg, so the drive was long, but it was so great to catch up with both of them, see a new city, and have some delicious pizza while I was at it.

Monday morning I checked my email to discover that the university in California that I phone interviewed with wants me to come out and do an in-person interview! Majorly exciting, relieving, and terrifying! I'm still waiting to see what day it'll be, but I know that it'll be in September. Baby's finally going to see the west coast!

Two more of my college friends (one of whom was Jess from Animated Cardigan) passed through Richmond last night and stopped to have some Mexican food and frozen yogurt with me. We also posed for some goofy pictures which I'm sure will be posted on Jess's blog soon.

Lastly, my weekend ended on a sour note as the boyfriend and I had our first argument over my pending move. We both walked away with a lot to think about and way more questions than answers. It's hard to make any plans or say anything for certain since I don't know where I'll be getting a job (California is looking promising though), but I will be moving somewhere and we need to decide if he'll be following me eventually or if we'd be better off going our separate ways. We're leaning more on him following me and the relationship potentially leading to marriage (gulp!), but life is unpredictable and only time will tell.

I cannot wait to get home from work and go to bed. I'm going to sleep all of the hours and catch all of the Zs.

I hope you had a great weekend!

Things that I love

My roommate and this gorgeous necklace she got me for my birthday. Isn't she a doll?

Speechless

I've been feeling rather disconnected the past few days. I found out a high school friend of mine passed away this week. I met her in 5th grade. She introduced me to the Babysitters' Club and Pokemon. She taught me how to play chess. The first and only game I played was against her and I somehow managed to win. She was the first person I knew who had an iPod. I remember how truly excited she was to attend my birthday parties. Incredibly intelligent and an unbelievably talented musician, I cannot believe that her life ended so soon. Her dedication to everything she did pushed me to be a better person. I deeply regret not staying in contact with her after high school. I no longer have the opportunity to change that.

Far too many people have been passing away lately.

To lighten the mood, I will leave you with two things that made me smile recently.

The Bobcats from the Oatmeal: when cats work in an office.

My future, in a nutshell:

Gifting

My darling friend, Rebecca (hands down my favorite lesbian), had her birthday yesterday. Because I had class last night (boo), we decided to meet up for lunch so I would wish her a happy birthday on her birthday. Before heading to Harrison St for noms, I presented her with her gift. Now, I like to pride myself on my gift giving abilities. When I have the time and the money and know a person well, I can usually hunt down something that will be meaningful for the recipient. When I first saw the painting that I got her, I automatically knew it was the one, so I was practically jumping up and down with anticipation to give it to her. Without prompting, she assumed the gift receiving pose: hands out and eyes closed.

I have bittersweet memories associated with that pose. Growing up, my mother would always make my brother and me do that before receiving gifts. "Close your eyes and open up your hands!" It became a joke and we would start saying it before she could, mimicking her intonations and making it singsong-y. When we were older, my brother and I turned the tables and would make my mom do the same pose before we would give her her gifts. That same phrase echoed through my head as soon as Rebecca did it, but I bit back the words.

For all I know, my mother still insists on closed eyes and open hands. I say "for all I know" because somewhere along the line over the past two years, my mother decided to stop giving me gifts. I didn't receive so much as a phone call from her on my birthday this year or last. There's something about having your own mother, the very one who birthed you, not give a shit about your birthday, not acknowledge your passage of years, that really never stops smarting. I am not a materialistic person and so the physical stuff isn't the issue here. It's the thought, the caring, the natural inclination to express your love for someone on a meaningful day that makes my mother's lack so incredibly hurtful.

Last Christmas, after witnessing all the gifts given to my brother and after giving all of the homemade gifts that I spent hours on creating, I was given a card and a box of chocolates from my mother. While I was tearing the seal on the card, my mother interjected, "The reason there's not anything in your card is because I didn't know if you wanted cash or check." Funny, she's never bothered to worry about such a trivial thing before. I blinked a few times and forced out a meager, "Oh... it doesn't matter." What I really wanted to say was, "No, Mom. You don't have to lie to me to make both of us feel better about the fact that the real reason there's nothing in this card is because you weren't going to give me anything. You feel guilty for not giving me anything because of all the things I just gave you, all of the things that I spent so much time on, that I made sacrifices for. You wrongfully thought that I am some monster, that I don't give a shit about you, and that I wasn't going to give you anything this year. Instead of apologizing, you're lying." I bit my tongue and let the mishap go.

Instead of blowing off Mother's Day and her birthday this year like I so badly wanted to, I sent gifts (that I was never thanked for) and had a three way phone call with her and my brother. Instead of calling her out for missing my birthday two years in a row, I maintained the silence. Instead of letting the bitterness overwhelm me, I bestow gifts onto those who matter to me. I know the importance of letting someone know that I am so happy and grateful that they were born because I am not always that lucky. Instead of continuing the cycle of virulence that my mother has started, I am making a clean break.

No ma'am, I will not participate in your pity party. I am donning my party dress and celebrating instead.