Catharsis

Well folks, I finally wrote out my story for the storytelling event that's taking place in a little over a week. I was fine until I starting typing the last two or three sentences, then the tears crept up and I started crying. I called Lynn and read it to her (and made her cry) and I feel a lot better now. Recounting these stories is really quite painful, but in the end, it feels incredibly relieving to not have them living entirely within me anymore.

Now I need to memorize it and try my hardest to get through it without crying. Once I get the draft finalized, I will post it here for you all to read. This is going to be one long week.

Here, there, and everywhere

Hello ladies and germs. Forgive me if this post is a bit spacey and all over the place- I had a headache earlier from sitting in my hot and stuffy office and took some Excedrin on an empty stomach, so I'm feeling a bit disconnected.

This week is the last week of classes, so everyday it seems like I have more and more free time on my hands. I've been rereading Harry Potter, watching movies, and have even picked up my DS again. Once my two finals are over, I'm going to be as happy as a clam to veg out and spend much needed time with friends and the bf.

I just ate a frozen Kashi meal for lunch and let me tell you, it was absolutely delicious. I had the Mayan Harvest Bake and was very sad to inhale it so quickly. Loads of flavor and great textures, it's almost hard to believe it's vegan. If you're looking for something new to eat, I can't recommend this frozen meal enough.

Over the last couple of weeks, I've had some interesting health problems crop up. I've had some rash-like areas show up on my face and I'm pretty sure it's perioral dermatitis. At first I thought it was eczema with a mix of acne, but the bumps aren't acne, they're filled with pus. So I've just been laying off lotion and haven't been washing those areas of my face, hoping that it'll clear up by itself. I'm going to wait another week or two and if it's not better, I'll be calling the dermatologist. I'm pretty sure it's a side effect of all of the cortisone shots I got a few months ago for my alopecia. Don't you love when you get side effects that are just as bad as what the medicine was treating? If the perioral dermatitis wasn't bad enough, I've got some odd pigmentation on another part of my body. There are lots of reasons this could be, including fungal growth. So, I'm using Selsun Blue on the area to see if it'll go away/if it's fungal. Again, if I don't have any luck this way, it's off to the dermatologist. A lot of these issues I've been having are/could be autoimmune diseases which has me a bit worried. A lot of these can be traced back to thyroid issues which runs in my family. I had my thyroid tested a few months ago and it appeared normal (or at least I'm guessing since I never got a call about my results), so I'm hoping it hasn't taken a quick turn for the worse. Uggggh.

A few more pieces of news: my brother and sister in law are expecting a boy! I'm so excited to have a nephew! :-) On a less cheerful note, my brother looked in the room my mother stays in when she spends her weekends with my grandmother and it appears that she has brought her hoarding to my grandmother's. He spoke to her about it and felt he got through a teeny bit. Here's hoping she'll actually take strides to improve the situation and not just move her junk and hide it further from my brother.

Mothers Grandmothers Day

I thought about it for awhile, hemmed and hawed, and finally decided that I am not going to get my mother a card or a gift nor call her on Mothers Day. I got both her and my grandma gifts last year and was only thanked by my grandma. To add insult to injury, my birthday was only a week or two after Mothers Day and my mother neglected, for the second year in a row, to acknowledge my birthday. So, forget it. I bought my grandma a Mothers Day card, a cute and awesome one at that, and will send that along to her, but I will not attempt to do anything for my mother this year.

I hate to do such a bitchy and petty thing, but I don't see why I should extend any sort of greeting towards someone I've barely talked to this past year and who doesn't appreciate anything I attempt to do to repair our relationship. I hate to do something that will pain my mother because I am not doing this out of spite or to cause her any kind of anguish. I am refraining because she hasn't been a mother to me and should not be acknowledged as one.

So, I've decided that I will celebrate my awesome, awesome grandma instead. I don't think I'll ever understand how such an amazing woman could have spawned a creature such as my mother.

Things that I love

I'm pretty sure I've gained at least 20 pounds over the last month eating bag upon bag of Cadbury Mini Eggs. Hands down my favorite Easter candy to nom.

Try, try again

My brother was texting me last night and telling me about his most recent conversation with my mother. Due to the bleak educational funding in Pennsylvania, my mother's job is in jeopardy. Her position is funded by a grant and is up for review at the end of every fiscal year. The Pennsylvania governor has made it clear that education is not a priority for the state and so the chances of the grant not being renewed in July is very high. My mother's whole life is her job. She's pushed away everything and everyone out of her life because of it and would have absolutely nothing if she lost her job. She was in absolute shock when she was talking to my brother and could not speak of anything else. My brother was trying to give her an ultimatum- admit to her current hoarding and make attempts to change or not find out the sex of their baby (or know when the baby is born, if things continue the way they've been going). My brother said that she was just silent. After prodding her for an answer, she just went back to talking about her job situation.

My brother has reached the end of his rope. This is a very unsettling realization for me as I thought he had an eternally long rope for my mother. For both of their sakes, I hope she emerges from her warped world before my brother lets go of the frayed ends.

Let me tell you

I am very happy and nervous to report that I will be participating in a storytelling event in May where I will attempt to relate my experiences growing up with a hoarder in only seven minutes. I want my story to touch on the most disturbing parts of my childhood while also infusing notes of humor and lightheartedness. Such a delicate balance to achieve.